Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
