I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
