He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
