yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
