Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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