even my farts smell like vagina
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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