I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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