I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
