Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
