please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
