Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
