Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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