What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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