i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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