Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
