just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I fill condoms, not promises.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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