I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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