Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
