my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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