it hurts more in the daytime
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
