even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
