I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ok first of all what the fuck
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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