Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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