got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize