Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
