I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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