so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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