She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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