i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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