I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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