ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
