she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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