Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
