my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
