I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
