My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
