I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
