bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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