I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
