I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
