So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
