Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize