the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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