I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
