this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
