no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
