i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
