oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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