someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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