There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
