Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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