I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
