I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
