Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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