i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
