I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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