paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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