Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
