That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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