So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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