You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
