My room smells like vodka and shame
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
