1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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