We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
