Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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