i was rollin on her like bob the builder
birth control should be required to get into college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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