I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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