I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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