You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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