My first STD was from a foam party
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am available for nakedness
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
