i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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