i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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