Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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