I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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