just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think a kid would responsible me up
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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