God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize