I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
