Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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