That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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