Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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