Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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