I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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