So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
