so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
